9-Year-Olds and TikTok

Have there been any moments in your life over the last few weeks where you've found yourself thinking about gender and/or sexual orientation? Maybe someone said something during a class, or you noticed something while you were taking a walk, for example. Describe this moment and reflect on its implications for gender (the institutionalization of gender, gender's fluidity, gender roles, etc.).

As an afterschool tutor for elementary school students from the Oakwood Grade School, I help kids with their homework and play games with them, but in addition to solving math problems or playing tag, I myself learn and understand the gender dynamics through the perspective of a kid. (We can also extend this conversation to race, but that is a completely different story.)

Every day, I am verbally abused and disrespected by… 9-year-old boys. When I walk in with my painted nails and “feminine” masks, I am barraged by 3rd graders calling me things such as: “sissy”, “a girl”, and “gay.” I am not at all offended by these phrases but it is so interesting that these kids already have an instilled belief that colors and actions have a gendered connotation. But it is usually only the boys who share this gender-stereotyping ideology. The girls always compliment my nails, ask me to play “House” with them, and try to play football and kickball (the boys never let them).  And what I found even more fascinating is that this same dynamic rings through at my age-level. 

A few weeks ago, I posted a TikTok about how I painted my nails. The feedback I received on this video was incredibly polarizing, and the two conflicting groups were girls and boys. The girls commented (and these are actual comments): “PLZZ THEY’RE SO CUTEE”, “YESS ARAV I LOVEE!”, “love it!!”, and “i’m so jealous of your nails.” And the boys commented things such as: “that boy sus (anti-homosexual message)”, “nah u sus”, “ur gay asf for this lol.”

The dynamic that was present in elementary school children was also present in kids in high school/college. There is no difference between 8-year-olds and 18-year-olds. 

This is something that I believe needs to be changed. I believe that gender-neutral values are crucial in the upbringing of every child and need to be instilled at a young age. However, I also feel as though we need to stop teaching boys what is supposedly masculine and feminine. Boys should not “masculine expectations” ingrained into their minds when they are young. We need to create an environment that would prevent gender-bias and gender-stereotyping. In order to create a more equal (less toxic) society, we need to correct the social outlook of future generations.